[gazcha]

hi rea,

im curious to know how depigging has affected your life?

How do people treat you? How has it changed your self-image about what it means to ‘be’ or ‘look like’ an indian? How do other indians react? How do other non indians react for that matter? Or is it a total non-issue?

Sorry to be so direct in my questions but I am very interested to know. Also…do you look like a ‘white person’ now, or do you still look ‘indian’?

Am so glad it worked out for u. I may in future consider the same thing, which is why I am asking all these qqs¬!!!

x

[gazcha]

You must log on to your VSI account to access this page.
If you do not have a VSI account, you can quickly create one here!

Username

Password

*

Remember Me

 

 

Forgot Password

[gazcha]

You must log on to your VSI account to access this page.
If you do not have a VSI account, you can quickly create one here!

[gazcha]

You must log on to your VSI account to access this page.
If you do not have a VSI account, you can quickly create one here!

[gazcha]

Suleka,

I appreciate wat u have said. I do not think that women are money grabbing etc. But in my limited life experience I do think that in the marriage market, each individual tries to get the best partner they possibly can get. THis is in terms of personal compatibility, looks, job, etc.

And I do think that on average, men value looks more than women. And women value status more than men. I am not saying men and women ONLY value looks/status, just saying that initially, when the man/woman doesn’t personally KNOW the partner, the most obvious things that are there to value are looks/status etc.

Of course, once you know a person or are in a Relationship, are emotionally BONDED with someone, looks/status/job/money all these things matter far less, and love/compassion/caring/personal compatibility matter much more. And these things last over time whereas looks and status may fall with rising age.

[gazcha]

Also, when u do tell your prospective partner that it is Vitiligo, say it in a positive way.

i.e. dont say it like it’s a death sentence or the worst thing in the world to happen ever, or how depressing it is etc etc. Just try and mention it in a casual way. And state the facts in as positive a light as u can.

eg “I have some white patches of skin. It’s not a big deal. In future they may get better or they may get worse, but it’s not of any consequesnce otherwise.”

U dont have to give a big speech like I wrote above all in one go, because that is more likely to make the other person think, “wow, he is giving such a big speech about it, it must be a big problem…” Whereas if u give this info in bits, and over time, and casually, it doesnt seem so big a deal. It’s only as big a deal as YOU make it. If they still think it’s a big problem then maybe they are not for you.

I dont know if I could say it in a casual way cos it is a topic that i do consider seri9ous and difficult, but I would try.

Also, I appreciate you cant wait forever in marriage market. But Sanjay is right, this problem of finding a partner is not unique, many many people are frustrated for a long time before they find someone. You might have this vitiligo issue to overcome, but other ppl may have other issues which are equally limiting to overcome eg parents are v strict and only allow certain caste, age, profession of woman (hence veyr limited choice) etc

[gazcha]

dude,

Im 22 and i got diagnosed in June…so the second half of this year has been…well…not the best…

But hey, dont say that about marriage and vitties not having anyone to marry! There are loads of people who have Vit and have married. Even if there weren’t, the GO-GETTER MAKES HIS OWN PATH. You should think, “Screw this I’m going to change the status quo” “Im not going to let vit stop me from living a normal life”

I agree that at first glance Vit is a negative point to any prospective partner. If we didnt have vit, even we might think not to marry someone with vit initially. But relationships are built on emotional trust and bond, and much more than just looks. The trick is to connect with the girl first before revealing your weaknesses. Noone is perfect and even she will have weaknesses. But the courtship stage is about showing off your plus points. Only when things get more serious eg she shows more interest – only then when you trust each other and are more comfortable should you tell her about vit. And dont frame it as a ‘disease’ or some big bad thing. It’s just somehting you’ve had. You can cover it up. It is not directly inherited to the children.

Besides, from my relatively short life experience so far, men’s attractiveness lies more on their status and what they achieve than their looks. A greater fraction of women’s attractiveness is perceived on looks, I feel (hey, no offence to any ladies but that seems to be the general feeling to me in society). ANd if u look at this site, all the ladies with vit are happily married etc so if they can do it you certainly can!

Dont let this problem get you down – everyone has problems. Hey, at least you’re not an alcoholic. That would repel ladies perhaps more. Or at least you dont have mental health problems. At least you got a job and are in a good place.

I hope this makes sense…

[gazcha]

You must log on to your VSI account to access this page.
If you do not have a VSI account, you can quickly create one here!

[gazcha]

You must log on to your VSI account to access this page.
If you do not have a VSI account, you can quickly create one here!

[gazcha]

You must log on to your VSI account to access this page.
If you do not have a VSI account, you can quickly create one here!

[gazcha]

You must log on to your VSI account to access this page.
If you do not have a VSI account, you can quickly create one here!

[gazcha]

You must log on to your VSI account to access this page.
If you do not have a VSI account, you can quickly create one here!

[gazcha]

You must log on to your VSI account to access this page.
If you do not have a VSI account, you can quickly create one here!

[gazcha]

You must log on to your VSI account to access this page.
If you do not have a VSI account, you can quickly create one here!

[gazcha]

You must log on to your VSI account to access this page.
If you do not have a VSI account, you can quickly create one here!

[Author]

Posts